With the Bank holiday approaching this weekend, police have warned revellers to expect lengthy delays in the Fighting Cocks. This is likely to result from their world renowned inability to serve customers and the traditional increase in customers that result from an additional 24 hours of drinking.
Whilst many people have long thought the inability to get served in the Fighting Cocks was some sort of twisted marketing device it now appears that it has its foundations in very real science. Researchers from Birmingham University have recently proved that there is a direct relationship between the pomposity of a pubs menu and the speed at which they can deliver drinks to you.
The Professor of Alcohol and Terrorism from Birmingham University told us “Look at the Fighting Cocks menu, not only is it next to impossible to work out what half of it is, but it is clearly beyond the ability of anyone who works there to cook any of it. Now if you take Wetherspoons, they have a simple menu aimed at people who have lager for breakfast; consequently can get served really quickly.
This isn’t some sort of mystical link. In a pub like the Fighting Cocks staff are contractually expected to look aloof and talk through the medium of text with their friends who live in Kings Heath, this reduces the time they have available to serve alcohol to thirsty people.”
Police have advised anyone visiting the Fighting Cocks to set off early in order to avoid disappointment.
Is this a joke?! This sounds like a sad old man moaning by means of dry distasteful sarcasm probably because he hit on a bar maid and got turned down….
I’d like to reassure you that this is in fact a joke. The police have made no such warnings about the Fighting Cocks, it would be beyond their remit.
You will notice that this site is entirely comprised of a sad old man moaning. The only thing that varies is what I moan about.