To the sane and well balanced residents of Moseley it might sound like the stuff of fantasy but the great and good are actually intending to build a twenty five foot tall stainless steel representation of a talking tree. Moseley’s relationship with literary legend J R R Tolkein has been something that all residents have cherished for many years and now it looks like we are set to get a fitting tribute.

Currently our only method of remembering the great man is to sit on a bench whilst old men regale you with tales of how the young Tolkein used to suck sweets whilst dodging service in the Crimea. The inherent problem with this system of historical recording is that old men die and you generally can’t believe a word they say anyway. We need a better way.

In order to address this tricky problem the greatest minds of Moseley set themselves to consider all the facts :-

1) The people of Moseley have money to burn
2) Tim Tolkein (Sculptor to the stars) doesn’t have much on at the moment
3) People like trees
4) People like metal
5) People like metal trees

The only rational conclusion was to build a massive metal tree in the centre of Moseley.

The benefits to the people of Moseley will be incalculable. For example the projected increase in tourism will result in an economic explosion. It is a known fact that tourists like metal trees even more than Moseley residents and they will come from all corners of the globe to gawp with slack jawed amazement at our metal working skills. Some might stay long enough to pop into Sai news to buy a paper or even get some oven cleaner from Kwik Save. It will also prove of benefit to Cinephilia who could rent out copies of Peter Jackson’s epic trilogy so people can see what talking trees look like in their natural habitat.

Only a fool would underestimate the educational benefits of such a scheme. Through developing a massive tree we could eventually encourage the literary impoverished youth of Moseley to read the longest book in history that forgot to involve any women.

Eye on Moseley was initially sceptical of this crazy idea but having searched deep in it’s soul is now enthusiastic about the entire concept. Though having said that is twenty five foot really big enough? For an area with the aspirations of Moseley shouldn’t it be fifty foot? Or even a hundred? Moseley will only get the recognition it deserves once we have a metal tree that can be seen from space.