The good residents of Moseley are all too aware that the majority of our problems are caused by young people. In order to keep this moral decline in check it has been decided to take a more dynamic approach to their lawless behaviour.
Woodnorton Lodge has performed many useful functions over the years, though it appears that it’s current incarnation as “the” place for the kids of Queensbridge School to lose their virginity might soon come to an end.
It has been decided that instead of leaving this treasured building derelict it will be used as a new home for up to 20 predatory paedophiles. It is hoped that their presence will help to keep most of the young people off the streets.
A spokesman for the council told us “Our research shows us that nearly 95% of young people don’t want to have sex with an old man called Roger. This initiative will enable us to once and for all stop all the social ills asscoiated with skateboarding.”
Though at first sight this might seem a bizzarre idea, we spoke to older members of the community and they said “Oh yes definitely a good thing, I knew one of those paedophiles once, very community minded, ran the Scouts and everything, a keen photographer I seem to remember. Those kids though, they’re morally bankrupt. I heard that some of them listen to Marilyn and Charles Manson. I don’t think gender ambiguous serial killers are really appropriate role models.”
We at Eye on Moseley think that using organised child abuse to regulate kids is at best silly. The torch wielding mob will meet at the usual time and place.