The opening of the Elizabeth of York will finally see the conclusion of one of Moseley’s most controversial yet dull little episodes. The original plan to name the pub after one of Moseley’s most famous sons, J.R.R. Tolkein, appears now to have been nothing but a cunning ruse to make Moseley citizens drink more cheap beer.
The cruel reality is that Moseley residents were tickled pink when they saw plans to open a pub named after Mr Tolkein as it allowed us to believe we actually had something that looked a bit like culture. In fact the clever Mr Wetherspoon recognised how gullible we were all along.
We went to see Mr Wetherspoon and demanded an explanation for his duplicity, he told us “Oh you’re from Moseley are you? I’ve got a cow that shits gold you know. Do you want to buy it? Sorry I’ve heard how stupid you people are and you have to try don’t you?” And using the sort of tact that won over the Moseley Society he added, “Look, why do you Moseley people keep going on about fucking Tolkein all the time? You know he used to live in Hall Green don’t you? and to be honest it’s none of your business what I call my pub now fuck off out of my office.”
Eye on Moseley is not scared by such vulgarity and tried to point out to Mr Wetherspoon that the good people of Moseley might well boycott his pub. Unfortunately he didn’t seem to give a toss about this pointing out that people will come from miles around to drink cheap beer and more to the point they have been bussing in the scum from Northfield for nearly four months. You’ve seen the man who can’t keep his trousers on? The woman who always seem to have run out of money for her electricity, the one legged man. Now you know what they’re waiting for.