Over the years, we’ve all grown use to the annual result bashing. In fact, in some villages in the Welsh valleys, they hold festivals based specifically round the past time of telling students that they’ve never had it so easy. Whole crowds of grown men, women and sheep, chanting, “Easy! Easy! Easy!” outside school gates are, worryingly, becoming increasingly common.
You may then think that when teachers in Moseley issue a plea to their students to, “Stop trying so hard!” it is based around worries for the safety of their protégés. That is where you would be wrong. A teacher at the St. Fatty of Arbuckle School in Moseley told us, “We’re sick and tired of these bloody kids – getting better and better. It’s making all of us look downright thick. You see them year after year, swanning around, “How many GCSE’s did you get sir?” Then the snigger when I reply “Eight.” Cheeky bastards. I’d like to see them in 10 years time teaching when their GCSE’s are rendered crap by the efforts of students.”
However, rumours of death threats from members of the general public to teachers abound. Psychologists claim that feelings of inadequacy in the general populous at large are growing and such death threats and festivals of result bashing are merely indicative of a wider malaise in society. In Lower Winklesnout this year, one French teacher is alleged to have conducted whole lessons in Spanish in an effort to screw up her classes GCSE results. Her solicitor, when asked for a statement replied, “Mi cliente no tiene nada decir.”
Whilst the above news may come as a shock to most, we like to concentrate on the more important issues raised in the news item above. With this in mind, we’re heading off down to Moseley School to start yelling “Easy! Easy! Easy!” at the kids as they come out with their results. Anyone who wishes to join us, we’ll see you on College Road. For once the Welsh have come up with something that sounds like a lot of fun.