Your Local Lounge

We all hate chains. We hate the way they use economies of scale to reduce costs, we hate their systematised approach to health and hygiene. We hate how we can make passive aggressive comments on Twitter just to ruin the day of an 18 year old intern in a social media agency in Shoreditch. So when Prezzo went tits up the people of Moseley felt like the breath of freedom had returned to our independent High Street.

What has vexed many retail analysts is whether the newly opened Sorrento Lounge is really much different to the widely despised Prezzo it has replaced. It has quirky pictures on the wall like you’d expect from a much loved independent, but it also has a suspiciously well-designed menu.

The Board of the Prince of Wales met in emergency session,  over the weekend, to consider just how independent our new arrival is. After the meeting, a representative of the Prince of Wales read a prepared statement which said “In coming to our decision we have taken a number of factors into consideration to establish whether or not this part of a chain. We’ve looked at the number of establishments within the parent company and the relative geographic reach. We were made aware that the company is actually registered in Bristol but we didn’t feel that, in itself, undermined its local credibility. Many companies register in Bristol for tax purposes, that’s just good planning. What did sway us was the two sites in Manchester. You can’t be local and have businesses in Manchester. It’s not right.

Therefore we have decided that this is a chain and there is no place for it on our High Street. An angry mob will gather at 7pm tomorrow for some general heckling.”

We asked the Lounger Corporation for comment and all they cryptically told us “Angry mobs get 30% off burgers, tomorrow only.”