Moseley residents finally have cause for celebration, with a new era of right and justice taking the form of the much-heralded Moseley Street Wardens. In these days of spiralling street crime, mountains of litter and wanton street drinking, central Moseley was fast becoming a no go area for young and old alike. The crazy plan hatched at the highest level of Moseley society decided to take two normal individuals and train them in the dark arts. They have now been set the task of taming the wild streets of Moseley.

The original plan to hide their identities and only allow them to hunt at night was somewhat ruined by family commitments that mean they have to home by five. The contentious decision to dress them as Ninja’s was also dropped after it was realised that traditional Japanese assassins might intimidate certain older members of the community. It was then decided that a calming purple might be the way of the future. As one warden told us yesterday “We don’t want to use violence and through dressing like huge walking plums we should be able to avoid most confrontation but if it comes down to it I could break your neck like a stick….quite a thin stick, but believe me you wouldn’t be walking in a hurry.”

The two wardens known locally as Monaghan of Moseley and a Man Called Flint have been interested in our community for a number of years. Flint through his keen interest in sport and his encyclopaedic knowledge of the films of James Coburn and Monaghan through his contributions to one of Moseley’s many self-obsessed web sites. Using this local knowledge they intend to form a partnership loosely based on Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte in 48 Hours. Eye on Moseley looks forward to many years of hilarious misunderstandings and lightening fast banter.

Although the Wardens have only been in place for a few months they have already had one notable success. Their discovery of the stolen tills from the Bulls Head has already slipped into to local legend known only as The Case Of The Stolen Tills From The Bulls Head That Were Found In St Mary’s Church or T.C.O.T.S.T.F.B.H.T.W.F.I.S.C. It’s a dangerous world out there but at least now Moseley knows that Justice never sleeps.