Green-toothed and hairy of armpit, Moseley denizen and erstwhile eco-corporate fuckpuppy Ineeda Newdyck bemused the parochial populous of Moseley with the shock release of anti-globalisation arse magic. In a new pamphlet, released on Monday – “Look @ Our World Wide Wad!” – Ms. Newdyck claims that we in the West are unaware of the exploitation occurring in the world… “I’ve been to sweet shops in the slightly less developed world than ours (but that is by no means to disempower the local population or disrespect their culture and invalidate their belief systems in any way), and what do I see. Kids as young as 4 buying sweets! Is there no morality left in the world? I blame Nestlé – they make the world’s finest confectionary in a bid to entice these helpless souls.”
Owner of the world famous multi-national condom manufacturer and sales outlets “The Noddy Shop”, Ms.Newdyck is well versed in the exploitation of the world’s indigenous peoples. Famously championing their cause, and introducing the Synthetic White Rhino Deluxe, Ms. Newdyck is known for baring the peachy arse of caring capitalism. “5 mung beans and to cho-cho beads per prophylactic seems reasonable enough to me. After all, without me, these people were disenfranchised and skint! I don’t see that my use of the global economy has anything to do with it. I care about the world. That’s why I brought out doh-berry. That in itself is validation enough for my arguments. If you are going to be like that I’m off. Got to go to Gap™ to go and have a look at their new range of Nike™ trainers.”
Ms. Newdyck – we salute you for your total hypocrisy in the face of all criticism. Of course, you don’t count as a purveyor of finest globalisation, because you deal strictly in eco-dollars. Keep up the good work.