High Street regeneration experts and gastronauts are expected to land on Moseley High Street this week to witness the revolution in food retail that is happening on our doorsteps. The opening of Moseley’s sixth South Asian eatery has confounded experts who have long maintained that Moseley reached peak curry some time ago.

One expert told us “This is fascinating, who would risk everything to open a curry house in an area where there are already restaurants providing nearly one thousand covers within meters? In fact who would bother trying to break into this market when you’re less than a mile from the single greatest concentration of South Asian restaurants in Europe. Anyone that’s got the nerve to do that must have spotted a gap in the market that’s eluded everyone else.”

We asked curry experts just what could be behind this bold move. Mr Kababish, who has supplied curry to Moseley for over 30 years, told us “We’re baffled, Piquant have got the market in curly poppadoms mostly sown up, Imlees have specialised in putting an egg on top of everything, the Tipu Sultan have the incongruous use of heavy artillery as décor,  even we’ve cornered the market in crazy offers where we sell you curry for nothing for no apparent reason. What are they going to do? Make curry out of gold? LOL. Actually I think Priya make their curry out of gold.”

Long time readers will remember the great Moseley hairpocalypse of 2002 where the saturation of hairdressers meant traders were giving spare hair to customers just to stay in business. We certainly hope that distasteful experience isn’t repeated.

Whilst we have no idea what spicy magic Indioz is going to unleash we think it will be pretty special; but we must remember that although they’re not K2 they still have a mountain to climb.

I thank you.