Moseley agribusiness was rocked this week when it was noticed that our wicker rabbit had vanished from the park. The rabbit was constructed in order to encourage a fertile spring and bring us all fair weather. It’s believed that it vanished just before Christmas and its theft heralded the storm that has battered Moseley throughout the festive period.
A representative of the police told us “If anyone did see a eight foot wicker rabbit being manipulated past the Consol Sun Studio then we urge you get in touch with us. It is essential that we get this rabbit back so it can be ceremonially burned to satiate a vengeful god. There is a very real chance that that without such a sacrifice all of our crops will wither. As a safety measure we are asking if any parents have got any spare children that they’re not too keen on. We know the old gods really like rabbits but we have a plan to strap some ears on a toddler and hope they don’t notice.”
Moseley farmers were quick to point the finger at neighbouring areas, one told us “They’re jealous of our green open spaces and bountiful harvests, you mark my words, if you were to go down Hazelwell Park tomorrow you’ll notice they just happen to have their own rabbit but they will have put a hat on it so it definitely isn’t ours. The bastards, rabbits don’t even wear hats.”
On a personal level we don’t want a return to the weather of 2012 so something better get sacrificed pretty soon. We’re not overly bothered what it is but would suggest something flammable would make sense.